Gaining gravitas - for women at work

Over the last couple of decades, while Indian society continued to battle patriarchy, a section of educated, middle class women surged through the ceiling and emerged victorious as professionals. These women inhabit a post-gender world, where they have a phenomenal career trajectory and a successful married life and children. Yet how many of them have earned respect from their co-workers?

While some think respect has to be earned; it is important for us to understand that all employees are worthy of respect from their co-workers, bosses, and customers. For women, at some point in their career, a boss will belittle you, a co-worker can hit on you and some employee will be jealous of you. It is important to know how to handle these situations so that you are not disrespected without compromising your career. Presenting some thoughts to cultivate executive presence for eves at work:

Respect Yourself First

If you want to be respected by others, you need to understand what it means to practice self-respect. Take the time to create more work-life balance that includes plenty of self-care and being nice to yourself. Stop the conflict between what you want to do and what you are stuck doing at work for others. Learn to speak affirming words over yourself. Always be sure of what you want. It is difficult to respect someone who is not sure what she wants. Congruence earns respect naturally. Always stick to your words and make sure you do not send mixed messages out there.

Demonstrate Respect and Assertiveness to Others

People learn by example. Sometimes you will have to teach your colleagues all over again about what respecting you and others looks like. Start by demonstrating respect and assertiveness to your manager, your co-workers, and your customers without all the sugary talk and overtly nice behaviour. Just be professional and direct. The process of gaining respect from both colleagues and superiors begins from the moment you first enter the workplace, and you must immediately demonstrate an understanding of your worth and unique value as an employee. This must not only be reflected in the salary that you demand from your managers, but also in the way that you undertake your role and add value to the business through the completion of individual tasks that fall within your job description.

Be careful with communication

Respect must always be a mutual concept, as you cannot hope to gain it without offering it in the first instance. It is therefore crucial that you remain a good listener at all times, and take the opinions of others on board before taking a direct action or decision. On a similar note, you must always be calm when interacting with both colleagues and superiors, as otherwise you run the risk of alienating them and developing a reputation as someone who is difficult to work with.

Shrill tones suggest you feel offended, ignored, or wronged. Silence your shrillness by removing emotions from the equation. Over-prepare for meetings to feel confident and be concise. Prepare beyond the conference room as well. Be sure you are conversant in headline topics such as sports and politics to establish personal connections.

No matter how close you are with your co-worker, sending informal emails is not the way to do it at workplace. Every email should include a proper greeting and sign off. The more formal you are, the more seriously your higher-ups will take you. Keep in mind that your emails could be forwarded to any person in the office.

Establish clear boundaries

Achieving respect in the workplace is a delicate balancing act, as while you must be willing to take on additional work and collaborate, it is also important that you prioritize your own professional goals. You must strive to understand your limits and establish a boundary as an employee, as this ensures that your position is never compromised by taking on too heavy a workload. If you fail to do this, you will quickly find yourself overwhelmed and at the mercy of more selfish and manipulative colleagues. The best time to do this is when you start a new role. You can explain to your new team how best to work with you (establish your boundaries) and inquire about how best to work with them (learn their boundaries). This simple conversation can easily eliminate many of the workplace conflicts that arise.

Push back with tact and charm

Being very obedient is often caught up with being a pushover when it comes to work tasks. Many women have the misconception that the way to gain respect and move up in the career ladder is by being polite and doing everything asked of them. Doing everything asked for will prove your gratitude towards the company, but it may not make you feel respected at all times. In the toggle between wanting to be liked or respected at workplace, if you choose being liked, then you will surely be taken advantage of. So learn to say ‘no’ whenever it is necessary.

Kindness goes a long way, especially in those intense times at work. Provide clear pushback in a professional and kind way. Minimize or eliminate your emotionally reactive responses – they can make you look unprofessional.  The calmer you are under pressure, the easier it will be for colleagues to hear your point.

Nice is not enough

It is one thing to be well-regarded by peers; it is another to become a doormat. Oftentimes, employees who fall into this trap do so of their own accord. Generally, it’s out of a need to be liked by others in the workplace. But over time, an employee who is used to always saying “yes” and being sweet to everyone else becomes resentful of the less than respectful behaviours of colleagues. Likewise, the employee’s supervisor may not see leadership qualities in an employee who cannot stand up to others. Take the time to carefully weigh each and every situation you encounter at work and decide for yourself if being too nice is hurting your chances of career success.

Appearance and body language

Every industry has its own code; one size certainly does not fit all. Regardless of how casual your place of work seems, set yourself apart by looking elegant and wear decent ensembles. What you wear says a lot about you and the type of attention you seek to have. Don’t be surprised if someone assumes you have a higher position by the way you look, and if it happens, go with it! Above all, let your personality and work ethic – not your clothes - speak for you. Emanate confidence through your speech and body language. Your stature and demeanour must come across confident and strong. Eye contact is important. If your eyes wander, you tend to look insecure and nervous. If you come across as shy, your opinions might get overlooked. Voice your thoughts in a firm, clear and confident manner.

Avoid the perils of office gossip.

While office gossip can occasionally be fun and even insightful, it must be avoided at all costs if you are to be respected as a trustworthy and conscientious employee. Not only does a willingness to engage in gossip suggest that you are incapable of discreetly managing potentially sensitive information, but it also creates the impression of someone who has a less than dedicated approach to their work. Neither of these attributes is likely to inspire respect within the workplace, especially if you are based in a relatively small office where behaviour can be easily analyzed. By brushing it off or changing the subject, eventually, others will realize you are not the person for gossips and will respect you for it.

As career women it is inevitable to be a part of a group, so much so it is also a strong need to be respected by peers. At work, being respected means being heard, validated, and looked up to as a skilled professional. Respect is not something handed to you at your workplace. It is an essential quality that you must build over time. There is no step-by-step method for gaining respect at work. Unfortunately, women have it much tougher when pushing for influence and respect in both co-gender and male dominated work environments. But on the reverse, it makes it much more rewarding and valuable when you finally do earn that respect.