Simple Social Media Code of Conducts for Men (?)

Social media has become a free platform for all to voice their unsolicited opinions. Almost every woman with a social media presence and pictures online has experienced thirsty guys wanting to talk about how she makes his ***** feel or has handled a stranger’s DMs to talk her into a date.

First rule of trying to talk to women social media: leave your **** out of it. Even when the pictures are overtly sexual, most people aren’t going to want to hear about it. Stop the turn on comments even for pictures that are clearly intended to be sexy – whether they were taken professionally or simply for fun. Paying someone a sincere compliment is a regular part of flirting. After all, who doesn’t like to hear that they’re enchanting or good looking.

Mentioning how turned on you are by somebody’s pics is not only totally unmanly, but can also completely shut you down from her system. It’s not flattering, it’s not validating and it’s not wanted. Your online equivalent of catcalling, making sexual or even overly flirty comments to someone you don’t know is going to be uncomfortable and unwelcome at best.

Complimenting someone’s looks nowadays is both boring and unoriginal. You’re almost never the first person to suggest that maybe she could be a model or how great her legs look. Giving a compliment about women’s looks online also tends to carry the unspoken “…so be grateful” appended to the end. Many guys treat a woman’s attractiveness as something being done for – or at – them. Complimenting her becomes less about praise and more about giving their approval.

If you want to compliment someone on Instagram or Facebook and stand out from the horde of douchebags flinging their ***** at her? Compliment her on her choices, not her looks.

The other thing to keep in mind: save the snark and sarcasm for people you know extremely well the people who know you well enough to read your tone in text. Snark is the devalued coin of the Internet and sarcasm is a shitty substitute for wit most of the time. 99.999% of the population isn’t going to appreciate it, even when they recognize it at all.There are few things that women find more infuriating than the guy who assumes she’s an idiot. Whether it’s the guy who believes that he knows better and needs to prove it or the dude who assumes that she has but a dilettante’s experience, no woman has ever appreciated a guy who leaps uninvited into her comments or DMs to “um…actually” her. Especially when she knows more than him.

One of the biggest mistakes that guys make when trying to talk to women on Instagram or other social media: going through entire media timeline and making your presence known. Another biggest social media sins guys commit is liking or commenting on every picture, post or comment she’s made. This behavior sends a message that you have studied every inch of me, every moment of my life and now you know me better than myself. There’s nothing wrong with looking ; that is, after all, part of the point of Instagram; but looking is passive and anonymous. The comments and likes, however, get her attention; it imposes yourself upon her and makes her uncomfortable.

Another fact is that, when you can observe her conversations isn’t an invitation to join them. People frequently have conversations with friends on Twitter or Facebook and don’t appreciate folks who suddenly need to throw their two paise in. Having a conversation in a “public” space doesn’t give everyone in earshot the right to chime in. You should treat them as conversations you overhear at restaurants or on the streets. Existence isn’t permission after all, and violating social contracts is frequently a sign of low-emotional intelligence - an unattractive trait.

Treat her like a person, it doesn’t matter if she’s an Internet celebrity or just some cutie or your long time crush: she’s a person above everything else. Not an object for you to drool over. She’s not a Goddess to be put on a pedestal or your dancing monkey who needs your approval.

You build relationships through trust and comfort. Most of the men she’s going to encounter online are going to be pushy and obnoxious. If you can be someone other than that show her. Showing her respect can make you stand out from the crowd. Showing her that she can trust you can make her more likely to talk to you out of the other people clamoring for her attention. Those conversations can become the foundation for something amazing together.

So when you want to talk to women on social media, put your best self forward. Be clever. Be insightful. Be respectful. Put yourself out there, and then wait till she starts to pick up those threads…