Crazy vagaries of English language

English is the most widely spoken language in the history of our planet, used in some way by at least one out of every seven human beings around the globe. English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world's languages, as many as two million words. Nevertheless, we have explored the beauty and variance of the language; it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language - the most loopy and wiggly of all tongues. 

In English language:

Ø      People drive in a parkway and park in a driveway.

Ø      People play at a recital and recite at a play.

Ø      The night falls but never breaks and day breaks but never falls.

Ø      When we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo.

Ø      We pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase.

Ø      We call it newsprint when it contains no printing but when we put print on it, we call it a newspaper.

Ø      People who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists.

Ø      Noses run and feet smell.

The paradoxes and vagaries of English to name a few:

Ø      Nightmares can take place in broad daylight

Ø      Morning sickness and daydreaming can take place at night

Ø      Happy hours and rush hours often last longer than sixty minutes.

Ø      Quicksand works very slowly.

Ø      Boxing rings are square

Ø      A woman can man a station but a man can't woman a station.

Ø      A man can father a movement but a woman can't mother one.

Ø      Apartments are named so even when they're all together.

Ø      We call them buildings even when they're already built.

Ø      It is called a TV set when you get only one.

Ø      The word abbreviation so long.

Ø      The word ‘monosyllabic’ consist of five syllables.

Ø      There no synonym for synonym or thesaurus.

Ø      A slim chance and a fat chance are the same.

Ø      A caregiver and a caretaker.

Ø      "What's going on?" and "What's coming off?" are the same.

Ø      Quite a lot and quite a few the same, while overlook and oversee are opposites.

Ø      Button and unbutton and tie and untie are opposites.

Ø      But, loosen and unloosen and ravel and unravel the same.

Ø      Harmless is the opposite of harmful, but shameful and shameless are same.

Ø      Pricey objects are less expensive than priceless ones.

Ø      Flammable and inflammable materials are the same.

Ø      Heritable and inheritable properties are the same.

Ø      Passive and impassive people are the same.

Ø      Valuable objects are less valuable than invaluable ones!

Ø      Pertinent and impertinent, canny and uncanny, and famous and infamous are neither opposites nor synonyms.

Ø      When the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible!

Ø      When I clip a coupon from a newspaper I separate it, but when I clip a coupon to a newspaper, I fasten it.

Ø      A first-degree murder is more serious than third-degree murder but a third-degree burn is more serious than a first-degree burn.

Ø      When I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

English is indeed a crazy language!

Let's look at a number of familiar English words and phrases that turn out to mean the opposite or something very different from what we think they mean:

A waiter – Why do they call those food servers waiters, when it's the customers who do the waiting?

A non-stop flight – Never get on one of these. You'll never get down.

A near miss – A near miss is, in reality, a collision. A close call is actually a near hit.

A hot water heater – Who heats hot water?

A hot cup of coffee – Here again the English language gets us in hot water. Who cares if the cup is hot? Surely we mean a cup of hot coffee.

Extraordinary – If extra-fine means "even finer than fine" and extra-large "even larger than large," why doesn't extraordinary mean "even more ordinary than ordinary"?

Pick up the phone – We don't really pick the phone; we pick up the receiver.

Put on your shoes and socks –Most of us put on our socks first, then our shoes.

Underwater and underground – Things that we claim are underwater and underground are obviously surrounded by, not under the water and ground.

We constantly mis-perceive our bodies, often saying just the opposite of what we mean:

Watch your head – I keep seeing this sign on low doorways, but I haven't figured out how to follow the instructions. Trying to watch your head is like trying to bite your teeth.

They're head over heels in love – That's nice, but all of us do almost everything head over heels. If we are trying to create an image of people doing cartwheels and somersaults, why don't we say, they’re heels over head in love?

Put your best foot forward – It's our better foot we want to put forward. This grammar atrocity is akin to May the best team win. Usually there are only two teams in the contest. Similarly, in any list of bestsellers, only the most popular book is genuinely a bestseller. All the rest are better sellers.

Skinny – If fatty means "full of fat," shouldn't skinny mean "full of skin"?

English is truly weird. If the truth be told, all languages are a little crazy. That's because language is invented, not discovered. As such, language reflects the creative and fearful asymmetry of the human race. While we enjoyed the beauty and variance of the English language; in this post; we took time to marvel at the unique lunacy of the English language.